Audiobooks by Simon Rich

A hilarious and clever bath-time picture book by humorist, novelist, and TV writer Simon Rich, with illustrations by Tom Toro (How to Potty Train Your Porcupine). And so begins a hilarious dip into the choppy waters of a nightly ritual that parents and children alike often dread. Filled with soapsuds, rubber duckies, and existential angst, Simon Rich's debut picture book is a splashy tale of cleanliness-and survival. This irreverent read-aloud treat about facing fear and embracing adventure might just change the way you see bath time (and your bathroom) forever.

Simon Rich (Author), Simon Rich (Narrator)

Audiobook

New Teeth: Stories

Laugh till you cry in this new collection of stories from the "Serena Williams of humor writing" (New York Times Book Review) about raising babies and trying to learn how not to be one. Called a "comedic Godsend" by Conan O'Brien, and "the Stephen King of comedy writing" by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with New Teeth, his funniest and most personal collection yet. Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents' annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper, "The Big Nap," a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of "a world gone mad." Equal parts silly and sincere, New Teeth is an ode to growing up, growing older, and what it means to make a family.

Simon Rich (Author), Fred Berman (Narrator)

Audiobook

Hits and Misses: Stories

A hilarious collection inspired by a former Saturday Night Live writer's real experiences in Hollywood, chronicling the absurdity of fame and the humanity of failure in a world dominated by social media influencers and reality TV stars.Simon Rich is "one of the funniest writers in America" (Daily Beast)--a humorist who draws comparisons to Douglas Adams (New York Times Book Review) and James Thurber and P.G. Wodehouse (The Guardian). With Hits and Misses, he's back with a hilarious new collection of stories about dreaming big and falling flat, about ordinary people desperate for stardom and the stars who are bored by having it all.Inspired by Rich's real experiences in Hollywood, Hits and Misses chronicles all the absurdity of fame and success alongside the heartbreaking humanity of failure. From a bitter tell-all by the horse Paul Revere rode to greatness to a gushing magazine profile of everyone's favorite World War II dictator, these stories roam across time and space to skewer our obsession with making it big--from the days of ancient Babylon to the age of TMZ.

Simon Rich (Author), Simon Rich (Narrator)

Audiobook

Spoiled Brats: Stories

Twenty years ago, Barney the Dinosaur told the nation's children they were special. We're still paying the price. From "one of the funniest writers in America"* comes a collection of stories culled from the front lines of the millennial culture wars. Rife with failing rock bands, student loans, and participation trophies, Spoiled Brats is about a generation of narcissists-and the well-meaning boomers who made them that way. A hardworking immigrant is preserved for a century in pickle brine. A helicopter mom strives to educate her demon son. And a family of hamsters struggles to survive in a private-school homeroom. Surreal, shrewd, and surprisingly warm, these stories are as resonant as they are hilarious. *Jimmy So, Daily Beast

Simon Rich (Author), Simon Rich (Narrator)

Audiobook

Man Seeking Woman

In "Center of the Universe," God struggles to balance the demands of his career with the needs of his long-term girlfriend. In "Magical Mr. Goat," a young girl's imaginary friend yearns to become "more than friends." In "Unprotected," an unused prophylactic recalls his years spent trapped inside a teen boy's wallet. The stories in Simon Rich's new audiobook are bizarre, funny, and yet...relatable. Rich explores love's many complications-losing it, finding it, breaking it, and making it-and turns the ordinary into the absurd. With razor-sharp humor and illustrations, and just in time for Valentine's Day, Rich takes listeners for an exhilarating, hilarious ride on the rollercoaster of love.

Simon Rich (Author), Simon Rich (Narrator)

Audiobook

What in God's Name: A Novel

Welcome to Heaven, Inc., the grossly mismanaged corporation in the sky. For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. Lately, he's been spending most of his time on the golf course. And when he does show up at work, it's not to resolve wars or end famines, but to Google himself and read what humans have been blogging about him. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. His employees take the news in stride, except for Craig and Eliza, two underpaid angels in the lowly Department of Miracles. Unlike their boss, Craig and Eliza love their jobs - uncapping city fire hydrants on hot days, revealing lost keys in snow banks - and they refuse to accept that earth is going under. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love. With doomsday fast approaching, and the humans ignoring every chance for happiness thrown their way, Craig and Eliza must move heaven and earth to rescue them - and the rest of us, too.

Simon Rich (Author), Simon Rich (Narrator)

Audiobook

Elliot Allagash: A Novel

Simon Rich dazzled readers with his absurdist sense of humor in his hilarious collections Ant Farm and Free-Range Chickens. Now comes Rich's rollicking debut novel, which explores the strangest, most twisted, and comically fraught terrain of them all: high school. Seymour Herson is the least popular student at Glendale, a private school in Manhattan. He's painfully shy, physically inept, and his new nickname, 'Chunk-Style,' is in danger of entering common usage. But Seymour's solitary existence comes to a swift end when he meets the new transfer student: Elliot Allagash, evil heir of America's largest fortune. Elliot's rampant delinquency has already gotten him expelled from dozens of prep schools around the country. But despite his best efforts, he can't get himself thrown out of Glendale; his father has simply donated too much money. Bitter and bored, Elliot decides to amuse himself by taking up a challenging and expensive new hobby: transforming Seymour into the most popular student in the school. An unlikely friendship develops between the two loners as Elliot introduces Seymour to new concepts, like power, sabotage, and vengeance. With Elliot as his diabolical strategist and investor, Seymour scores a spot on the basketball team, becomes class president, and ruthlessly destroys his enemies. Yet despite'the glow of newfound popularity, Seymour feels increasingly uneasy with Elliot's wily designs, for an Allagash victory is dishonorable at its best, and ruinous at its worst. Cunningly playful and wickedly funny, Elliot Allagash is a tale about all of the incredible things that money can buy, and the one or two things that it can't. 'We hired Simon Rich at SNL because of his amazing short fiction. When he told us he was writing a novel we made it clear that were it not up to his previous high standard we would have no choice but to terminate his employment. Well, I just finished Elliot Allagash and I'm happy to say, he still has his job.''Seth Meyers, Saturday Night Live

Simon Rich (Author), Paul Michael Garcia (Narrator)

Audiobook