Silent Agreements

Silent Agreements Synopsis

Silent Agreements will help readers define the unspoken beliefs and expectations that might be causing dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and resentment in their relationships, giving them the tools to explore these agreements and work toward healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member.

If you have relationships, you've likely been part of silent agreements. Silent agreements are the implicit "rules" of your relationships that arise from unspoken beliefs and expectations that both parties hold. They can sound something like this: "The person who makes more money should pay for the dates," "My significant other should recognize when I need his/her/their help," or "My boss doesn't offer me a raise, and he knows I won't ask for one." They arise from long-held beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you, starting from your earliest experiences and reinforced as you grow and mature. These agreements can hinder your relationships, remaining undiscussed because of fear, aversion to conflict, feelings of obligation, or guilt. And because they so rarely line up and neither person will address the issue, they can cause unhappiness and resentment on both sides.

Clinical psychologists Drs. Anderson, Banks, and Owens will help you define these silent expectations, supplying the tools to explore your agreements and work towards healthier communication with a partner, friend, boss, or family member. In the process, you'll learn more about your own motivations and how to dismantle the the beliefs that don't serve you. With guidelines and advice on how to have productive conversations about sex, money, commitment, family, the workplace, and health, you'll learn how to lift the silence and resolve those land-mine issues before they do irreparable damage to your relationships.

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