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Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own
If you're young, old, or in the middle, get ready to laugh out loud with Erma Bombeck, America's funniest lady. This outrageously witty book proves that humor is the best way to keep on keel-even with a teenager in the house. You've finally figured out what makes your child tick, when one day you wake up to discover a teenager under your roof. Suddenly life is filled with a whole new set of worries: Why isn't she dating? Why is she dating? Why can't he can't pass his driving test. Why is he out so late with the car? Wise in the ways of teenagers, Erma Bombeck celebrates both the joys and difficulties of watching children grow into adults. Barbara Rosenblat provides the perfect voice for energetic young people and their baffled parents.
Erma Bombeck (Author), Barbara Rosenblat (Narrator)
Audiobook
From Tallulah Bankhead to Joan Crawford to the Kennedys and Madonna, the ultimate insider, Liz Smith has hobnobbed, air-kissed, and lunched with just about everybody who's been anybody over the last half-century--and then rushed to tell the world all about it. Now, in this candid, down-to-earth autobiography, she tells all about herself, and does it with the kind of style and warmth that has made her one of the most widely read columnists in history. Liz Smith wasn't always famous, and in Natural Blonde she revals how a young woman from rural Texas came to New York hell-bent on making something of her life. From her salad days as a small-time reporter and proofreader to her triumphs at the Daily News, Newsday, New York Post and her 1995 Emmy for reporting, Liz tells what it is really like to be seen and heard by millions of people every day. One of the most quoted people of our time, she offers a rare, private peek into the real person behind the witty quips and media coverage. Certainly one of the most eagerly anticipated autobiographies in years, Natural Blonde will give Liz Smith readers the item they've been waiting for--the ultimate inside scoop from the "Grande Dame of Dish."
Liz Smith (Author), Liz Smith (Narrator)
Audiobook
Definitely Above Average: Stories & Comedy for You & Your Poor Old Parents
From live broadcasts of A Prairie Home Companion.After the birth of Garrison Keillor's daughter, the stories, songs, and sketches on A Prairie Home Companion took on a distinctly parental bent. This new collection gathers the warmest, funniest, most affectionate examples: dance tunes and comedy with sound effects; songs featuring Chet Atkins, Leo Kottke, Beaussoleil, and other guests; Ian Frazier's much-requested 'Lamentations of the Father'; and Garrison's version of 'The Princess and the Pea.' Garrison says, 'I test-played this album for my daughter, who is three, and she jumped around a lot.'Filled with stories, sketches, and songs recorded from live broadcasts, Definitely Above Average will delight parents and children everywhere.Contents:Oh BabyBananasChildren Go Where I Send TheeThe True Sad Story of Mr. FroggieBaby DanceKnock Knock Who's ThereEl HamboHush Little BabyThe Baby Says HaEstrellitaCount Your BlessingsBrownie and PeteThe Horses Stood Around/Powdermilk Biscuit ThemeTell My MaHappy One StepOh Susanna FantasyWheels On the BusSongs That I Love BestBaby BluesTell Me WhyThe Chord That Jack PlayedA Game of ChessThe Princess and the PeaThe Sound Effects Man Part OneThe Snow QueenThe Sound Effects Man Part Two
Garrison Keillor (Author), Garrison Keillor (Narrator)
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A hilarious guide to life from a man who has "lived large and fallen hard–lost every job I ever had, messed up everybody I’ve ever dated, been kicked out of every institution I’ve ever been in"–and still survived; offering observations on courage ("Lots of guys brag they’d fight off anything to save their woman. Yeah, right–there is no sense in both us dying"), discipline ("If you’ve got to get whupped, your father is the man. Mothers don’t stop until you’re bleeding to death"), money ("Before computers, checks were great…local ones took fourteen days to clear"), men and women ("If there were no women in the world, men would be naked, driving trucks, living in dirt"), underwear ("Women, do not buy your men bikini underpants"), love ("If you can get a car with no money down, you can get a boyfriend or girlfriend"), marriage ("There is no compromise, you either go to the basketball game or you go to a movie you hate"), divorce ("there are no Betty Ford clinics for strung-out lovers. You have to go cold turkey"), dieting ("I would be hanging out at McDonald’s, tapping on the window: ‘Don’t throw out those fries!’"), parenting ("When they caught Jeffrey Dahmer, his mom was protective: ‘He always had a healthy appetite…’"), technology, and much more.
Sinbad (Author), Sinbad (Narrator)
Audiobook
Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain--which is to say, all of it. Every last bit of it, good and bad--old churches, country lanes, people saying 'Mustn't grumble' and 'I'm terribly sorry but,' people apologizing to me when I conk them with a careless elbow, milk in bottles, beans on toast, haymaking in June, seaside piers, Ordinance Survey maps, tea and crumpets, summer showers and foggy winter evenings--every bit of it." After nearly two decades in Britain, Bill Bryson, the acclaimed author of such bestsellers as The Mother Tongue and Made in America, decided it was time to move back to the United States for a while. This was partly to let his wife and kids experience life in Bryson's homeland--and partly because he had read that 3.7 million Americans believed that they had been abducted by aliens at one time or another. It was thus clear to him that his people needed him. But before leaving his much-loved home in North Yorkshire, Bryson insisted on taking one last trip around Britain, a sort of valedictory tour of the green and kindly island that had so long been his home. His aim was to take stock of modern-day Britain, and to analyze what he loved so much about a country that had produced Marmite, zebra crossings, and place names like Farleigh Wallop, Titsey, and Shellow Bowells. With characteristic wit and irreverence, Bill Bryson presents the ludicrous and the endearing in equal measure. The result is a hilarious social commentary that conveys the true glory of Britain.
Bill Bryson (Author), Bill Bryson (Narrator)
Audiobook
In the spring of 1984, I went to the northwest of France, to Normandy, to prepare an NBC documentary on the fortieth anniversary of D-Day, the massive and daring Allied invasion of Europe that marked the beginning of the end of Adolf Hitler's Third Reich. There, I underwent a life-changing experience. As I walked the beaches with the American veterans who had returned for this anniversary, men in their sixties and seventies, and listened to their stories, I was deeply moved and profoundly grateful for all they had done. Ten years later, I returned to Normandy for the fiftieth anniversary of the invasion, and by then I had come to understand what this generation of Americans meant to history. It is, I believe, the greatest generation any society has ever produced.In this superb book, Tom Brokaw goes out into America, to tell through the stories of individual men and women the story of a generation, America's citizen heroes and heroines who came of age during the Great Depression and the Second World War and went on to build modern America. This generation was united not only by a common purpose, but also by common values--duty, honor, economy, courage, service, love of family and country, and, above all, responsibility for oneself. In this book, you will meet people whose everyday lives reveal how a generation persevered through war, and were trained by it, and then went on to create interesting and useful lives and the America we have today.In this book you'll meet people like Charles Van Gorder, who set up during D-Day a MASH-like medical facility in the middle of the fighting, and then came home to create a clinic and hospital in his hometown. You'll hear George Bush talk about how, as a Navy Air Corps combat pilot, one of his assignments was to read the mail of the enlisted men under him, to be sure no sensitive military information would be compromised. And so, Bush says, "I learned about life." You'll meet Trudy Elion, winner of the Nobel Prize in medicine, one of the many women in this book who found fulfilling careers in the changed society as a result of the war. You'll meet Martha Putney, one of the first black women to serve in the newly formed WACs. And you'll meet the members of the Romeo Club (Retired Old Men Eating Out), friends for life.
Tom Brokaw (Author), Tom Brokaw (Narrator)
Audiobook
Dennis Miller is back, and he is Ranting Again in this hilarious compendium of wit, wisdom, and righteous outrage. This is good news for all of us who fume at the country’s lack of common sense, and seethe at the absurdity of the daily headlines. Setting his sights higher and wider than ever before, Dennis Miller is at the top of his game, unleashing his unique brand of scathing wit on anything and everything. Taking on such targets as illegal immigration, the sobriety movement, the American school system, and men who wear tight T-shirts even though they have big breasts, Miller proves that nobody is safe from his hilarious yet hard-hitting scrutiny. Showcasing Dennis Miller’s trademark blend of wide-ranging allusions, thought-provoking insights, and outrageous opinions, Ranting Again is a brilliant collection that is his sharpest and funniest yet.
Dennis Miller (Author), Dennis Miller (Narrator)
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Why are Americans so disinterested in politics? Because we can be. Democracy is voluntary. And our lack of interest hasn't happened overnight. It can be traced directly back to our ever-decreasing attention spans. We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez-small, sweet, and coming out of a funny plastic head. Why has flying in this country, especially boarding the plane, turned into this tedious Bataan death march with American Tourister overnight bags? And when did flight attendants get so cranky? Who do we find ourselves locked in this pointless pas de doo-doo over something called "arts funding?" The federal tab involved here is a lousy 500 million dollars. One-fifth the national budget! Less than the money spent on 1-900 calls from Air Force One. Mothers, immigration, marriage, parenthood, sports, political correctness, and our general attitudes toward each other-all are equally worthy of Dennis Miller's close inspection and ridicule. What's really going on in this country? Ask Dennis Miller. Or don't ask. He'll tell you anyway. Not that he really wants to go off on another rant. Remember, it's only his opinion, he could be wrong.
Dennis Miller (Author), Dennis Miller (Narrator)
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In the tradition of the #1 best-seller SeinLanguage, Bantam Books proudly presents the first book by Paul Reiser, television's sharpest, funniest observer of love, marriage and other mysteries of life. A veteran comic performer, Reiser is best-known as the co-creator and star of the highly-rated NBC comedy, "Mad About You", which Time Magazine called "The season's best new sitcom"in its 1992 debut. Every Thursday night more than twenty million viewers watch as Paul Reiser reveals the most intimate and hilarious scenes of a marriage. Now for the first time, Reiser brings his trademark wit to the page in a book that will delight his eagerly-awaiting audience, and anyone else who has ever fallen in love--or tried not to. In Couplehood, a New York Times bestseller for more than 40 weeks, Reiser reflects on what it means to be half of a couple -- everything from the science of hand holding, to the technique of tag-team storytelling, to the politics of food and why it always seems to come down to chicken or fish.
Paul Reiser (Author), Paul Reiser (Narrator)
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As national spokesman for the Motel 6 chain, as a commentator on National Public Radio's All Things Considered, and as creator of the nationally syndicated radio program The End of the Road, Tom Bodett has a voice familiar to millions. Now you can listen, at your pleasure, to his stories about likable, genuine, slightly wacky people who live in the little Alaska town at the end of the road. Follow the romantic misadventures of sixties throwback Tamara Dupree, vegetarian activist and New Age missionary; join Stormy Storbock and Ed Flannigan on their sightseeing tour across America by fire truck; meet local ne'er-do-well Doug McDoogan, who has a bright new future in the arts. Come to Alaska and share in the emergence of a true American humorist - funny, farcical, nostalgic, provocative, and always touching.
Tom Bodett (Author), Tom Bodett (Narrator)
Audiobook
There’s good news for those that rage at the evening news, shake their heads at Washington’s business-as-usual, or watch as politicians carom from social crisis to political crisis to economic crisis: Dennis Miller is back, and he means to shake the nation by its lapels. Miller respects no boundaries. Whether the subject is dope-addled baseball players who can no longer swing their bats, do-nothing politicians who devote their careers to creating meaningful sound bites, or the nation’s resigned acceptance of violence as a way of American life, these thematically arranged monologues are funny and angry. More significantly, they shatter the conventions of comedy by simultaneously making us laugh, think, and seethe.
Dennis Miller (Author), Dennis Miller (Narrator)
Audiobook
Once again there’s good news for those of us who rage at the evening news, shake our heads at Washington’s business-as-usual, or watch as politicians carom helplessly between political crises and sex scandals: Dennis Miller is back with his third installment of hilarious observations, I Rant, Therefore I Am. Dennis Miller first gained national acclaim as the wise-guy anchor of "Weekend Update" on "Saturday Night Live." When HBO premiered his weekly talk show in April 1994, both critics and fans enthusiastically agreed: "Dennis Miller Live" was the most refreshing talk show on television. The accolades have continued to pour in. In September 1994, Dennis and his staff won an Emmy Award for writing and have been regularly nominated since. When he takes the stage, the audience demands, "The rants, the rants, the rants," and once again, Dennis Miller delivers the goods. Fans of his smart, quirky, irreverent style of humor are in for another treat-this set of rants is even funnier than the last two rounds. Dennis Miller keeps on ranting in I Rant, Therefore I Am, and speaks his mind on topics like: MODELS-"How ironic that the most exquisite-looking people in the world should end up choosing the profession that requires them to spend all day by the phone waiting for the most hideous people to call them." COLLEGE-"I don’t think you should have to pay back college loans unless you get a job in your field. Put some pressure on the school. If I can’t pay my bills, I’m not paying yours." CONSUMERS-"You know how to tell when you’ve got a shopping problem? When the lights in the department store momentarily dim after they slide your credit card through the thing." FAITH-"I envy people who can just let go and totally commit. I, on the other hand, can’t even hear the title of the show ‘Touched by an Angel’ without thinking that a professional baseball player is being sued for sexual harassment." ASTRONAUTS-"Anybody who would strap themselves onto a giant deodorant spray can, set off a series of explosions under their ass until they’ve been blasted into the icy vacuum of deep space, and then step outside to take a walk must have more balls than a twenty-four-hour Tokyo driving range."
Dennis Miller (Author), Dennis Miller (Narrator)
Audiobook
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