Essays & Memoirs Audiobooks | Comedy

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning

From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: o Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate o How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life o Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering o Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? o Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time o Airlines serving up one hot mess o Action figure Jesus o Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter o And much more! You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Mornin' is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

Celia Rivenbark (Author), Celia Rivenbark (Narrator)

Audiobook

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You: Kids, Carbs, and the Coming Hormonal Apocalypse

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I thought this was going to be the most blessed, beautiful, rose-petals-at-my-feet-and-bluebirds-lighting-upon-my-forearm time of my life. Then I went for my first prenatal visit. Which starts with a weigh-in. From comedian Anita Renfroe, already beloved by women's groups and YouTube viewers across America, comes this hilarious and brazenly honest look at motherhood and middle age. Famous for her live performance of the "Mom Song," which barrels through everything a mom says to her kids in a single day to the tune of the "William Tell Overture" (just two minutes and fifty-five seconds), in Don't Say I Didn't Warn You, Renfroe now turns her irreverent and daringly accurate comic eye to other female conditions. In chapters with names like "Brother, Can You Spare an Epidural?" and "Playing Favorites (Or, As a Matter of Fact, I Do Love Your Brother More)," she dares to speak what other women are thinking--but don't say out loud. Using wit and honesty as her weapons of choice, Renfroe shares her deeply funny and relatable takes on everything from weddings to mammograms to every woman's never-ending quest for just one good photo of herself. The world is a bounty of material for Renfroe; with it, she makes a feast of laughter for us all. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Anita Renfroe (Author), Anita Renfroe (Narrator)

Audiobook

I Shudder

A hilariously funny, touching, and revelatory book from one of America's preeminent humorists In his plays, his screenplays, and his writing for the New Yorker and Premiere, Paul Rudnick has established himself as a comic master whose talents transcend genre. Now, in I Shudder, he trains his wickedly perceptive eye on everything from his New Jersey family to Hollywood to demented alcoholic Broadway stars waving swords. At his Uncle Rudy's funeral, Rudnick's beloved Aunt Lil put one hand on her husband's coffin and her other hand on Rudnick's shoulder and said, ""Your Uncle Rudy always loved you. He never understood why, in your writing, you had to use that kind of language, but he loved you."" Charming and touching, I Shudder is rendered in Rudnick's gorgeous, zinger-laden prose and reminds us of the need to keep our tongues sharp in the midst of life's many obstacles and absurdities. Here is one of the most accomplished collections in years, from a writer who ranks with David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs as one of our most gifted and hilarious social observers."

Paul Rudnick (Author), Paul Rudnick (Narrator)

Audiobook

Home on the Prairie: Stories from Lake Wobegon

The latest in a line of bestselling collections that began with News from Lake Wobegon, this set selects monologues from four years (1999-2002) of live radio programs. Some were broadcast from the Fitzgerald Theatre, the show's St. Paul home. Others were recorded on the road in Dublin, Pasadena, Grand Forks, and other exotic places. Contents: -O Youth -The School Forest -Tent Caterpillars -Camp Scotty -Stewardship -Lindbergh -Christmas Tree -Family Farm -Lutheran Tendencies -Mustard Plaster -D.J. -The Ingqvist Boy -Lake Cabin -A Backyard Wedding -The Blue Boat -Jimmy, Our Bus Driver

Garrison Keillor (Author), Garrison Keillor (Narrator)

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Bubba Talks

Dan Jenkins (Author), James Jenner (Narrator)

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Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pie

A NOTE FROM JEN LANCASTER: "To whom the fat rolls...I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. And I hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter. Unfortunately, being overweight isn't simply a societal issue that can be fixed with a dose healthy of positive self-esteem. It's a health matter, and here on the eve of my fortieth year, I've learned I have to make changes so I don't, you know, die. Because what good is finally being able to afford a pedicure if I lose a foot to adult onset diabetes?"

Jen Lancaster (Author), Jamie Heinlein (Narrator)

Audiobook

Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in t

Jen Lancaster hates to burst your happy little bubble, but life in the big city isn't all it's cracked up to be. Contrary to what you see on TV and in the movies, most urbanites aren't party-hopping in slinky dresses and strappy stilettos. But lucky for us, Lancaster knows how to make the life of the lower crust mercilessly funny and infinitely entertaining.

Jen Lancaster (Author), Jamie Heinlein (Narrator)

Audiobook

Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg

As one of America's most recognized faces, Kathie Lee Gifford has been a part of our morning routine for more years than she cares to count. And that's why it may come as a surprise to hear that there are still sides of this fiftysomething (!) devoted mother and dedicated television personality yet to be revealed. Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg is Kathie Lee's triumphant, laugh-out-loud celebration of forging ahead with gusto, even long after we're old enough to know better. Over the years, Kathie Lee has learned a lot about life and about herself. Age, for instance, isn't a number, it's a state of mind, and being fertile isn't just about having babies. Perhaps most important: Our quality of life is sustained by our passions-how we express, define, and even reinvent ourselves at any age, through our careers, interests, friends, and beliefs. It's never too late to set new goals for yourself and strive to meet them, to dust off your childhood dreams and pursue them again, to wake up every morning hoping to learn something new. In this riotous collection of musings, observations, and life lessons, Kathie Lee shares her thoughts about marriage, parenthood, friendship, faith, pet peeves, senior moments, and how to extricate oneself from potentially hairy situations with self-deprecating wit. Writing with the candor of a friend who knows where the bodies are buried, Kathie Lee reveals the truth every woman of a certain age knows but won't admit: that we love our kids every second of every day but are counting the minutes till they're ready to go off to college, that even though gravity is a constant force, not all parts of our bodies droop at the same rate, and that life and show business share one simple rule: "Don't sit by the phone and wait for a man or a job." Full of warmth, humor, down-to-earth wisdom, and more than a little bit of dish, Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg is a delectable read for grown-ups of all ages.

Kathie Lee Gifford (Author), Kathie Lee Gifford (Narrator)

Audiobook

American Thighs

Whether young enough to look "hot" or of the age to only feel that way (in flashes with buckets of sweat), every woman has given, or will give, ample thought to preserving her best "assets" (thighs included), so that the dread transition from "cute girl" to "ma'am" won't be quite so unsettling. Here are stories of growing up and learning about life - usually the hard way! From disastrous haircuts and color jobs to fashion or verbal faux pas committed, from the kiss wished for but never gotten to the one that should have been skipped, these are the moments that mark each of our journeys from what we thought back then to what we now know. Since to say that Youth is wasted on the Young has got to be the understatement of all time, it falls upon Browne, as one older and wiser, to take a "Hit and Run" down Memory Lane for the sake of offering "Asset-Preserving Tips," with astonishing disclosures about: • Why women have risked their lives just to get a little bit blonder • How the muumuu has been fashionably resurrected as the "patio dress" • Why it's important to always have a good photo of yourself on hand - just in case • How, no matter what skin you're in, to make it last a lifetime • Why you can never trust anyone over eighty-five

Jill Conner Browne (Author), Jill Conner Browne (Narrator)

Audiobook

Men are Stupid... and They Like Big Boobs

Red-carpet fashion laureate, comic icon, and outspoken superstar Joan Rivers is uniquely qualified to talk about plastic surgery -- because she's one of the few celebrities unafraid to admit to the world what she's "had done" to keep looking so great. Now, in this no-holds-barred book, she gives women straight-talking advice on better living through looking better. Joan Rivers' abiding life philosophy is simple: in the appearance-centric society of the twenty-first century, beauty is key -- especially where men are concerned. Men like pretty women. And so, getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted, or removed is as fundamental as wearing makeup or using hair conditioner; it's become something we do to make ourselves look better. Now, for any woman considering her options, Joan Rivers takes the mystery out of cosmetic surgery with a practical overview, aided and informed by the country's top plastic surgeons, of almost every single cosmetic procedure legally performed in America today. She takes readers step-by-step through these entire processes, from fi nding the right doctor to the bruising truth about recovery and the facts about cosmetic surgery's very real risks. But don't worry -- there's dish, too. Filled with Rivers' personal anecdotes about life under the knife, Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs is also rife with Hollywood gossip about who's done what and how often. Part comic musing, part bitch-fest, and part hands-on advice, this is a bracingly funny, wildly frank, and genuinely passionate argument for a woman's right to do whatever it takes to be beautiful, to feel better about herself, and most of all to be happy -- not only with who she is, but who she wants to be. Throughout the book, Joan Rivers is right there, guiding and encouraging with no apologies, no excuses, and absolutely no shame. Take it from the woman who enjoys having it all -- done.

Joan Rivers (Author), Joan Rivers, Valerie Frankel (Narrator)

Audiobook

Too Fat to Fish

When Artie Lange joined the permanent cast of The Howard Stern Show in 2001, it was possibly the greatest thing ever to happen in the Stern universe, second only to the show's move to the wild, uncensored frontier of satellite radio. Lange provided what Stern had yet to find all in the same place: a wit quick enough to keep pace with his own, a pathetic self-image to dwarf his own, a personal history both heartbreaking and hilarious, and an ingrained sense of self-sabotage that continually keeps things interesting.

Artie Lange (Author), , Artie Lange, Gary Dell'abate, Jim Florentine (Narrator)

Audiobook

Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid

"Denis Leary snarls as naturally as most actors smile," says one critic of the writer and comic. In Why We Suck, Leary snarls to brilliant effect. With his patented highspeed ranting and killer comic instinct, Denis Leary has become a beloved antihero whose bracing invective and outrageous riffs have earned him a huge following.

Denis Leary (Author), Denis Leary (Narrator)

Audiobook

Essays & Memoirs Audiobooks in Comedy