"IT’S HARD TO LIVE FOREVER WHEN THE WHOLE WORD WANTS YOU DEAD.
Prepare to die screaming with laughter with the final FOUR novels of The Tome of Bill series – over 50 hours of laugh-out-loud horror comedy.
Gamer turned vampire Bill Ryder would rather play D&D than take this supernatural shit seriously. Too bad the ancient horrors threatening the world don’t appreciate his attitude.
Includes:
GODDAMNED FREAKY MONSTERS (Book 5)
Three months have passed since Bill Ryder disappeared. Now he’s back. Too bad, civilization is teetering on the brink of chaos.
HALF A PRAYER (Book 6)
An unstoppable terror from the dawn of time has awoken deep beneath the Earth and it’s headed Bill’s way. As the world crumbles around him, Bill must rise to the destiny he’s been trying so hard to deny.
THE WICKED DEAD (Book 7)
Bill Ryder has a powerful destiny. He just never expected it to involve an amnesiac bloodsucker, a group of D&D dorks, and a pregnant witch.
THE LAST COVEN (Book 8)
A goddess returned, a war between primal powers, and a prophecy fulfilled. It’s finally time for Bill to master his powers and figure out how to survive his date with destiny. Because if he can’t get his act together, mankind will be forever plunged into everlasting darkness.
Join Bill in these laugh-out-loud tales of terrifying monsters and middle-fingered mayhem. If you enjoy The Dresden Files, The Nate Temple series, or The Preternatural Chronicles, then The Tome of Bill series will keep you entertained from dusk til dawn!
And once you're finished, don't forget to check out BILL OF THE DEAD - the hilarious continuation of Bill Ryder's adventures."
"A MOTHER'S WRATH KNOWS NO BOUNDS
Watching my friends die was hard. Getting blown up right after was even worse. But that's nothing compared to waking up to the mother I never knew and finding out she's a monster far worse than anything I've faced so far.
Now, not only is she trying to set me up with every eligible demon between here and Hades, but she's busy plotting the demise of my best friend Gary—setting us up on a collision course for a battle to the death.
All I want is to escape her clutches and get back to my life, but with a supernatural war brewing that might not be possible. To make matters worse, it looks like my dad has turned into a bomb-wielding madman. With everything going to hell, all I can do is keep fighting the good fight . . . and hope this is one case where the apple falls far from the tree."
"WITCH, WEREWOLF, AND WORLD SAVIOR.
IT'S A LOT FOR ONE GIRL TO SHOULDER.
Tamara Bentley thought rescuing her parents from the fairy queen would be enough—that she could go back to college and resume her life. Pity for her that reality has other plans, especially since it's on the verge of collapsing.
Demonic entities are destroying the portals linking Earth to the multiverse. When the last one falls, all life as we know it will end. Sadly, with each connection severed, the supernatural beings of our world grow weaker. As their power fades, so too does their chances of stopping this cataclysm once and for all.
Tamara will need to muster both her strength and burgeoning magic to make one last stand, but it won't be easy. The forces marshaled against her grow stronger with each passing day. If even an army of witches and werewolves can't defeat them, what hope does one girl have against an unstoppable tide of evil?
Note: Was previously titled Bent, Not Broken with the series name of The Hybrid of High Moon"
"BURYING THE PAST IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire.
Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.
Now they’re both stuck deep beneath Boston, exploring the ruins of a former vamp stronghold. She’s looking to walk away with intel on the burgeoning vampire nation. He’s simply hoping to walk away. Neither’s going to be easy, especially once they realize they’re not alone.
When ancient evil stirs, Ed and Serena will discover they have one thing in common - a burning desire … to stay alive as they learn that some secrets were meant to stay buried."
"Hell is where the heart is.
For five years my life has been a living breathing hell—literally. Worst of all, I don’t remember any of it. We're not talking some vague blackout here, no, this is full-on comic book levels of amnesia. But now I'm back, only to find the whole world managed to survive without me. Some hero I turned out to be.
There's no time to wallow, though, not when I'm surrounded by pissed off dryads and vampires who've somehow figured out how to walk in the sunlight. I'll need to get my head back in the game before they do something stupid, like trigger Armageddon—again.
Thankfully, I'm not alone. With an equally confused former vampire by my side, as well as a baby minotaur and my wizard ex-boyfriend, I'll have to contend with the forces of Hades that are hot on my tail. I've been given a second chance at life. Now to make sure I don't die before I can actually enjoy it."
"Being both a witch and a werewolf might not be enough . . .
My name's Tamara Bentley and lately everything I touch turns to crap. My best friend is missing, I was forced to kill my favorite aunt . . . oh, and my parents have been kidnapped by the queen of the fairies. It's enough to give a person a complex.
There's no time to drown my sorrows, though. I've got two warring factions to contend with. Neither the witches nor the werewolves like me, much less respect me, but somehow I need to rally them to my cause if I'm to have any chance of rescuing my parents.
And that might be the least of my worries. A dark force has been unleashed and it's dead set on introducing me to a whole new world of hurt. I'll have to dig deeper than I ever have before to stop its plans, save my parents, and face off against a freaking goddess. No pressure there, right?
Note: Was previously titled Bent on Destruction with the series name of The Hybrid of High Moon"
"'Stranger's Thing' by Robert Bevan: Four friends get more than they bargained for when they break into a seemingly abandoned research lab.
'Jizz World' by Rick Gualtieri: Zach Johnson was an idiot. So, when given the chance to wish for anything the universe had to offer, only one thing came to mind: he wanted his life to be just like a porno.
'The Shingling' by Steve Wetherell: Johnny Terry, a recovering meth addict, is excited to start his new life as the caretaker at the Underpass Motel. Unfortunately, the Underpass is haunted by the ghosts of dead porn stars.
'The Haunting of Whore House' by Robert Bevan: Lucy and her brother, Junkie, find out that moving was only the beginning of their troubles when they encounter the ghost of a little boy in the woods.
'Snatched: Grandma Annie and the Cooter of Doom' by John G. Hartness: Jefferson Smith decides to shadow a detective, a coroner, and an OB/GYN for Career Week, with unexpected results.
'28 Dicks Later' by EM Kaplan: When a mysterious illness spreads like wildfire through Boneville, it's do or die time for Willie. Will she rise to the occasion?
Contains mature themes."
"Some family trees should be burned to the ground
My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started.
My father's been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won't stop shadowing me, and my best friend's family is actively trying to kill him.
Fixing all of that won't be easy, though, since I've been cursed to complete thirteen divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I'll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.
I might not have enough power in me to save my loved ones and satisfy the whims of the gods. But you know what? I'm willing to die trying. Because that's what a real hero would do."
"Shingles Audio Collection Volume 4 begins with 'Carnival of Psychos.' In this story, Richie Spoonerman finds himself being chased by a psychotic clown in the Maze of Mirrors at the carnival. In 'That Time of the Month,' Molly Stein's life was hard enough before she started noticing some weird changes. For one, a suspicious number of people seem to be exploding around her.
In 'The Sober Slayers,' Katie McCallister wants to slay dragons, save the kingdom, and become a hero, but all she finds around the gaming table are jerks. But then she and her friends discover a magic book, one that transports them into the game itself. The collection continues with 'I Know What You Dicked Last Summer.' As everyone knows, when a bunch of attractive teens meet up at a secluded cabin, there's only ever one winner. And that winner is violent death.
'Just Say Gnome' asks, How many problems in your life would be solved by a garden gnome that eats people and shits cocaine? And finally, in 'Jingle My Balls,' Jeff just wanted to get a twelve-pack and drink away the night before Christmas Eve. But something went awry, and he came home to find a horny elf twerking in his living room.
Contains mature themes."
"Wax On, Whacks Off
Nobody likes getting bullied, and Donny has had enough. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he solicits the help of the old Asian man at the end of his street to teach him Karate. During a grueling two days of training, Donny earns belt after belt, until he finally becomes a Karate Master.
But there is more to those belts than there seems. Cursed with ancient dark magic, they have a mind of their own. Will Donny be able to stand up to his bullies? Will he be able to overpower the will of the spirit trapped within the cursed belts?
Sense and Sensibility and Sasquatch
Following the death of their father, sisters Elinor and Marianne Dashwood are sent to toil at a rundown logging camp deep in Kentucky. Faced with the prospect of being married off to Colonel Brandon, the camp’s elderly owner, Marianne comes up with the less-than-cunning plan of passing off the murderous man-ape that haunts the nearby forest as her fiancé.
Both sense and sensibility take a back seat as Willoughby, as the beast is dubbed, tears a swath of destruction through Barton Woods. Can the Dashwood sisters triumph in the face of such carnage to find true love?
Contains mature themes."
"JESSIE FLORES IS HAVING THE ULTIMATE BAD HAIR DAY.
Imagine going to bed with mousy brown locks and waking up with a headful of supernova scarlet. It's a hot new look for me—literally, because it bursts into flames whenever I'm threatened.
My magical makeover is all Gary's fault. I knew there was something off from the moment he transferred to my school. Go figure. He's a wizard with a trust fund and an inferiority complex.
Now, thanks to him, I've graduated from high school bullies to supernatural terrors and that's not all. Fate has chosen me to face the legendary vampire destined to destroy the world.
If I want to survive, I'll have to dig deep and discover whether I'm truly worthy of this new power. Because if not, everything I hold dear will soon burn even hotter than my hair."
"Tantor Audio presents six must-listen stories from the horror comedy series Shingles.
Shingles Audio Collection Volume 2 begins with 'Terror on Hypo Beach,' in which a family vacation turns out to be anything but ordinary. In 'Put Your Hand in My Ass,' Will needs a mentor for the upcoming high school talent show. What he gets is Sloppy—an enchanted puppet with weird sexual proclivities and an extremely problematic approach to comedy.
The collection continues with 'Demon Load.' When a freak accident brings his new washing machine to life, Dave begins to fear that it could lead to a nightmare future, one in which mankind has been permanently pressed out of existence.
'Slaughter on Giggletime Mountain' brings listeners to the reopening of a long-closed amusement park—one with a deadly history. Then, in 'It Came from My Butthole,' Cooter, the son of an out-of-work rodeo clown, eats a taco that changes his life forever.
In the collection's final story, 'Slow Ride,' Terry's suddenly way more attractive to members of the opposite sex now that he has Sylvia, his 1979 El Camino. But what happens when the car gets jealous?
Contains mature themes."
