Audiobooks by Lynn Schnurnberger

The Men I Didn't Marry

The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious adventure. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future. Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale to announce that he’s leaving Hallie. After first succumbing to an Oreo-induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back. An unexpected call from an old college boyfriend sets a plan in motion. Whatever happened to all those men she didn’t marry? With her best friend, Bellini Baxter, Hallie visits an all-night spray-tanning salon and Soho’s legendary Cellulite Exorcist. Her college-age children are protective of their mom but embarrassed to have her back in teenage territory–the world of dating and condoms. Finally, Hallie confronts the great love she swore she’d never see again and, while resolving an old family secret, reconciles with her long-estranged sister. Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger tell a heartfelt and hilarious story about moving forward by looking back. By turns poignant and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must-read for every woman who’s ever wondered about the men she didn’t marry.

Janice Kaplan, Lynn Schnurnberger (Author), Susan Denaker (Narrator)

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Mine Are Spectacular!: A Novel

In the wealthy New York suburb of Hadley Farms, divorced mom Sara Turner is juggling a new fiancé, a new TV career, and a Newcomers Club that throws sex-toy parties. Her oldest friend, Kate Steele, is Manhattans Derm Darling -a successful Park Avenue skin doctor whose office is always packed with the citys crème de la thin . . . and whose bedroom is frequented by a real estate mogul who has his own plane -and his own very big problem. Meanwhile, Saras new neighbor, Berni Davis, has just quit her career as a wildly successful Hollywood talent agent: pregnant with twins, shes leaving behind her A-list parties and high-profile pals, trading in the fast track for the cul-de-sac. Will heating formula be as thrilling as creating the formula for the next box-office blockbuster? At an age when women expect to find doors closing, forty-one-year-old Sara and her friends are all on the brink of new beginnings. For these three savvy and spirited friends, facing new options at midlife brings unexpected twists -a baby shower starring a male stripper, the latest Brazilian anticellulite treatment, and a day at a doggie spa that features lipo. Complications arise when a long-gone husband returns from Patagonia, a seductive ex-wife fights to win back Saras fiancé, and a hunky soap star stands waiting in the wings. But in a world where women spend their forties trying to look thirty, and girls as young as four use alpha-hydroxy to keep their skin baby smooth, these best friends help one another keep their priorities straight. Most of the time. A fresh, funny novel about starting over, Mine Are Spectacular! will delight readers with the exploits of these irresistibly witty women. By turns touching and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must read for every woman who knows youre always the right age for new adventures.

Janice Kaplan, Lynn Schnurnberger (Author), Susan Denaker (Narrator)

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The Botox Diaries

In a world where plastic surgery is as popular as a pair of sexy Manolo Blahniks, suburban single mom Jessica Taylor is trying to make it past forty with nothing more than moisturizer and a swipe of mascara. Her glamorous best friend, TV producer Lucy Baldor, has a different idea of aging gracefully. My body is a temple, Lucy explains. I just dont want it to crumble like St. John the Divine. Jess and Lucys friendship has weathered the trials of marriage, the births of children, and the transition from itty-bitty bikinis to Kindest Cut one-piece suits. Now the women are discovering that midlife crises arent just for men, theyre equal-opportunity dilemmas. To Jesss dismay, Lucy announces that shes taken a lover. A very famous lover. Her husband, Dan, is bound to find out (especially after a picture of the amorous duo appears on Page Six of the New York Post), but Lucys too wrapped up in the joys of expensive lingerie and romantic retreats to care. Jess finds herself in the midst of her own romantic predicament when, after ten years of silence, her sexy French ex-husband, Jacques, ends up back in her life, and in her bed. Whether navigating bake sales, bicoastal affairs, or bagels-and-Botox parties, these wise and witty women know that their friendship will remain the one true thing they can count on. Well, that and a good push-up bra, of course. And their bond withstands everything, from an orgy in Willie Nelsons trailer to a reality TV-show bachelor named Boulder. Funny, brazen, and often poignant, this irresistible novel offers an unexpected and entertaining look at two womens midlife adventures. From Thai massage to tantric sex, who would have thought forty could be so much fun? From the Hardcover edition.

Janice Kaplan, Lynn Schnurnberger (Author), Ana Gasteyer (Narrator)

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The Botox Diaries

In a world where plastic surgery is as popular as a pair of sexy Manolo Blahniks, suburban single mom Jessica Taylor is trying to make it past forty with nothing more than moisturizer and a swipe of mascara. Her glamorous best friend, TV producer Lucy Baldor, has a different idea of aging gracefully. My body is a temple, Lucy explains. I just dont want it to crumble like St. John the Divine. Jess and Lucys friendship has weathered the trials of marriage, the births of children, and the transition from itty-bitty bikinis to Kindest Cut one-piece suits. Now the women are discovering that midlife crises arent just for men, theyre equal-opportunity dilemmas. To Jesss dismay, Lucy announces that shes taken a lover. A very famous lover. Her husband, Dan, is bound to find out (especially after a picture of the amorous duo appears on Page Six of the New York Post), but Lucys too wrapped up in the joys of expensive lingerie and romantic retreats to care. Jess finds herself in the midst of her own romantic predicament when, after ten years of silence, her sexy French ex-husband, Jacques, ends up back in her life, and in her bed. Whether navigating bake sales, bicoastal affairs, or bagels-and-Botox parties, these wise and witty women know that their friendship will remain the one true thing they can count on. Well, that and a good push-up bra, of course. And their bond withstands everything, from an orgy in Willie Nelsons trailer to a reality TV-show bachelor named Boulder. Funny, brazen, and often poignant, this irresistible novel offers an unexpected and entertaining look at two womens midlife adventures. From Thai massage to tantric sex, who would have thought forty could be so much fun? From the Hardcover edition.

Janice Kaplan, Lynn Schnurnberger (Author), Susan Denaker (Narrator)

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