Audiobooks by Jill Kargman

Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave: Observations, Rants, and Other Uplifting thoughts About Life

The star of Bravo’s breakout scripted comedy Odd Mom Out shares her razor-sharp wit and backhanded wisdom in a deeply observed and outrageously funny collection of musings, lists, essays, and outrages. From her unique lingo (things don’t simply frighten her, they “M. Night Shyamalan her out”) to her gimlet-eyed view of narrow-mindedness, to her morbid but curiously life-affirming parenting style, Jill Kargman is nothing if not original. In this hilarious new book, the sharp-elbowed mother of three turns her unconventional lens on life and death and everything in between, including • the politically correct peer pressure she felt from the new moms in her hood, the women who provided the grist for the mill of her hit television show • the evolution of her aesthetic from Miami Vice vibrant (a very brief flirtation) to Wednesday Addams–meets–rocker chic • her deep-seated New Yorker’s discomfort with moving vehicles that aren’t taxis and subways (a.k.a. “suburban panic disorder”) • the family obsession with reading obituaries for their medical revelations and real estate news value • the reasons why, in a land of tan-orexic baby-oil beach bakers, she chooses to honor the valor of her ghostly pallor From a hellish visit to the Happiest Place on Earth to her unusual wedding night with Russell Crowe to her adrenaline-pumping Gay Pride parade experience, Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave is as wonderfully indecent and entertaining as a spring break road trip with your best friend. Assuming your best friend is the kind of gal who still wears a motorcycle jacket to pick up the kids at school. Praise for Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave “We love her on Bravo’s Odd Mom Out, and in Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave, Jill Kargman brings us a hilarious essay collection about life, death, and everything in between.”—PopSugar “The release (which reads in part like a memoir, or what we imagine it would be like to have a girls’ night in with the writer) is a humorous book filled with a closer look at the New York native’s childhood and family, as well as her unfiltered opinions on any number of subjects, like parenting and fashion.”—Bravotv.com “[A] love letter to her deeply macabre family.”—Vogue “The creator of Bravo’s Odd Mom Out, Kargman dishes out a variety of essays that poke fun at herself, her family, friends, and the world in general. . . . Prepare to laugh.”—Kirkus Reviews “A comedic, lively take on [Kargman’s] life as an opinionated, Jewish native New Yorker . . . sharp and funny . . . Those looking for a new, fun voice that doesn’t get too heavy will enjoy Kargman’s perspective, which is rich with gratitude, laughs, and a healthy appreciation for the color black.”—Publisher’s Weekly From the Hardcover edition.

Jill Kargman (Author), Jill Kargman (Narrator)

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The Rock Star in Seat 3A: A Novel

It's Hazel's thirtieth birthday and she has everything she's ever wanted: a kickass job, a dream apartment in New York City, and the perfect boyfriend-who's just days away from proposing. Hazel thinks she's happy but isn't quite ready to settle down. So when her most far-fetched fantasy enters the realm of the possible, shouldn't she drop everything to see it through? The morning after her birthday, Hazel boards a flight to L.A. only to get the surprise of her life. When she's bumped up to first class, extra legroom and free drinks are absolutely the last things on her mind when she catches sight of her seatmate: her all-time biggest celebrity crush, rock star Finn Schiller! Only the night before she'd confessed her infatuation with the gorgeous musician, and her boyfriend joked that she had a free pass if she ever met him. Hazel can't believe fate has actually thrown them together. Even more unbelievable is that during the flight they genuinely connect. Finn likes her uncensored cursing and wicked sense of humor, and that she's unlike all of his groupies; Hazel likes his killer looks, ripped physique, and soulful music. But what started as a fantasy quickly becomes a real attraction, and after a dream date and taste of the rock-star life with Finn in L.A., Hazel is forced to examine the track her life is on. Indulging in a passionate affair with a rock star seems crazy-but could she ever forgive herself if she walked away from her wildest dream coming true? And is her wildest dream the stuff that happiness is made of? A lively novel about a down-to-earth New York City girl who suddenly finds herself in a rock 'n' roll Cinderella fantasy, The Rock Star in Seat 3A is seasoned with Jill Kargman's signature wit and hilarious dialogue. This is a fairy-tale romance with a twist.

Jill Kargman (Author), Jill Kargman (Narrator)

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Sometimes I Feel Like a Nut: Essays and Observations

Demonstrating Woody Allen's magical math equation, comedy = tragedy + time, a sensational collection of witty essays about life, love, hate, kids, work, school, and more from the author of The Ex-Mrs. Hedgefund and Arm Candy Jill Kargman is a mother, wife, and writer living the life in New York City . . . a life that includes camping out in a one-bedroom apartment with some unfortunate (and furry) roommates, battling the Momzillas of Manhattan, and coming to terms with her desire for gay men. In this entertaining collection of observations, Kargman offers her unique, wickedly funny perspective as she zips around Manhattan with three kids in tow. Kargman tackles issues big and small with sharp wit and laugh-out-loud humor: her love of the smell of gasoline, her new names for nail polishes, her adventures in New York City real estate, and her fear of mimes, clowns, and other haunting things. Whether it's surviving a family road trip or why she can't stand Cirque du So Lame, living with a mommy vagina the size of the Holland Tunnel or surviving the hell that was her first job out of college, Kargman's nutty self triumphs, thanks to a wonderfully wise outlook and sense of fun that makes the best of everything that gets thrown her way. And if that's not enough, Kargman illustrates her reflections with doodles that capture her refreshing voice.

Jill Kargman, Jill Kragman (Author), Jill Kargman, Jill Kragman (Narrator)

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Arm Candy

For two decades, thirty-nine-year-old Eden Clyde has been enjoying wealth and glamour as the muse and lover of Otto Clyde, the ultrafamous, and much older, king of the art world. Genetically, she hit the lottery, but Eden is unlucky in love: Eighteen years ago she put aside her dream of true love and marriage, and has turned a blind eye to Otto's philandering in exchange for a life without want. In her younger days this seemed like a fair bargain, but as forty looms overhead - and as the beauty for which she's known begins to fade - she feels the cost of the arrangement finally taking its toll on her happiness. Eden leaves their cozy downtown loft for New York's frostier Upper East Side, where she begins to search for the girl and the life she left so many years ago. With encouragement from a raucous but lovable group of girlfriends, Eden soon finds herself embroiled in a heated love affair with Gotham's most eligible bachelor: the much younger Chase Lydon. But just as their relationship is getting serious, an old flame resurfaces. Does Eden want the life she's living - and loving - right now, or the love she left behind? On the brink of her fortieth birthday, it's time for Eden to follow her heart, but this time not even Eden is sure where that will lead. . . . Poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, and written with heart and humor, Arm Candy shows that although sometimes forty may feel like the ultimate f word, it's never too late to find true love.

Jill Kargman (Author), Joyce Bean (Narrator)

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The Ex-Mrs. Hedgefund

The year is 2006, the apex of excess. Married to the founder of Comet Capital, Holly Talbott is slowly becoming a reluctant Mrs. Hedgefund. Sure, it's great to live in a world that is seemingly sheltered from the threat of economic collapse and the risk of having to downsize from new Roger Viviers to consignment Manolos. Holly loves being a stay-at-home mom to her son, Miles, keeping house accounts at all the best places in town, and having a Rolodex of eager donors for her fund-raisers for the local hospital, but there are some downsides to this world of excess and secluded luxury. For starters, there are endless black tie functions where the hedgie men vie to show up their competition with bids at charity auctions on matzoh ball soup cooked by Rachael Ray ($675,000) and fifteen minutes with Warren Buffett ($700,000). Holly and her sister-in-law, Kiki, joke that lunches are called luncheons because they take eons, that even BOTOX can't stop their mother-in-law's withering stares, and that their husbands are away so often it almost feels like they are single again. When an adventure with Kiki to trendy Williamsburg leads to a shocking discovery, Holly soon learns that not all of her husband's trips have been for business. Forced to choose between compromising her integrity and living honestly, Holly begins to navigate a new New York existence. And while being a divorcée may make her a pariah to the other moms on the Upper East Side, below Fifty-seventh Street there is a world of new career and dating prospects to explore. Holly soon finds that sometimes exes have all the fun, and in the most unexpected places. . . .

Jill Kargman (Author), Susan Ericksen (Narrator)

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Momzillas

The mothers on Manhattan's chic Upper East Side are highly educated, extremely wealthy, and very competitive. They throw themselves and all of their energy and resources into full-time child rearing, turning their kids into the unwitting pawns in a game where success is measured in precocious achievements, jam-packed schedules, and elite private-school pedigrees. Hannah Allen has recently moved to the neighborhood with her New York City-bred investment banker husband and their two-year-old daughter, Violet. She's immediately inundated by an outpouring of advice from her not-so-well-intentioned new friends and her overbearing, socially conscious mother-in-law, who coach her on matters ranging from where to buy the must-have $300 baby dress to how to get into the only pre-pre-preschool that counts. Despite her better instincts and common sense, Hannah soon finds herself caught up in the competitive whirl of high-stakes mothering.

Jill Kargman (Author), Renee Raudman (Narrator)

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Wolves in Chic Clothing: A Novel

In The Right Address, Carrie Karasyov and Jill Kargman seared through the upper crust of New Yorks glitterati with wicked glee. In their delicious new novel, Wolves in Chic Clothing, they train their merciless spotlight on the young princes and princesses poised to inherit Park Avenue. Julia, a hip, downtown salesgirl at Pelhams jewelry store, finds her social life turned on its head when she is asked to deliver a necklace to the stores young heiress, Lell Pelham, on Lells wedding day. Beguiled by Julias earnest cluelessness and her vintage-chic vibe, Lell and her gang adopt Julia, and Eliza Doolittle her into passing as the heiress to a family fortune, just for a laugh. Dazed by the whirlwind of trust funds, pedigrees, Cosmopolitans, and penthouses in her new world, Julia is unprepared for the ardent advances of Lells husband, or the vicious claws her new friends develop when they decide Julia is an ingrate, and demote her from society goddess to penniless cling-on with one well-timed editorial. Suddenly, she must return the borrowed couture clothes and try to remember who she was before the body snatching took place. Hilarious and completely addictive, Wolves in Chic Clothing is a modern-day rags-to-riches-and-back-again fairy tale that will leave fans stamping their Manolo Blahniks for more. From the Hardcover edition.

Carrie Karasyov, Jill Kargman (Author), Susan Denaker (Narrator)

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Wolves in Chic Clothing

In The Right Address, Carrie Karasyov and Jill Kargman seared through the upper crust of New York’s glitterati with wicked glee. In their delicious new novel, Wolves in Chic Clothing, they train their merciless spotlight on the young princes and princesses poised to inherit Park Avenue. Julia, a hip, downtown salesgirl at Pelham’s jewelry store, finds her social life turned on its head when she is asked to deliver a necklace to the store’s young heiress, Lell Pelham, on Lell’s wedding day. Beguiled by Julia’s earnest cluelessness and her vintage-chic vibe, Lell and her gang adopt Julia, and “Eliza Doolittle” her into passing as the heiress to a family fortune, just for a laugh. Dazed by the whirlwind of trust funds, pedigrees, Cosmopolitans, and penthouses in her new world, Julia is unprepared for the ardent advances of Lell’s husband—or the vicious claws her new “friends” develop when they decide Julia is an ingrate, and demote her from society goddess to penniless cling-on with one well-timed editorial. Suddenly, she must return the borrowed couture clothes and try to remember who she was before the body snatching took place. Hilarious and completely addictive, Wolves in Chic Clothing is a modern-day rags-to-riches-and-back-again fairy tale that will leave fans stamping their Manolo Blahniks for more.

Carrie Karasyov, Jill Kargman (Author), Ana Gasteyer (Narrator)

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The Right Address

The Right Address sears through the upper crust of New York's glittering Park Avenue scene to dish the dirt on the ladies who lunch, the gents who club, and the desperate climbers who will stop at nothing to join the backstabbing, champagne-sipping, socialite-eat-socialite stratosphere. When Melanie Sartomsky, wily Floridian flight attendant, snares billionaire divorcée Arthur 'the coffin king' Korn, she is catapulted into the crème de la crème of Park Avenue society, where hiring the wrong decorator is tantamount to social suicide, and where, if you're anyone, your personal assistant has a personal assistant. But Melanie quickly discovers that in the world of the rich and idle, malicious gossip is as de rigeur as owning twenty pairs of Manolo Blahniks. And despite her frenzied plunge into the charity circuit and the right dinner reservations, her neighbors are Givenchy-clad vultures who see her as nothing more than a reinvented trailer trollop. To make matters worse, when a snide society-rag journalist rakes her over the coals, Melanie's reputation is toast. Meanwhile, Melanie is not the only billionaire in the neighborhood coming unhinged. Kleptomania, adultery, plagiarism, and a grisly Harlem sex murder are just a few of the secrets swirling under the pedigreed patina of furs and emeralds on Park Avenue. Authors Jill Kargman and Carrie Karasyov know a thing or two about their subject matter. They met at the Upper East Side's chic Spence School and claim that The Right Address is inspired by 'the insane socialites we've eavesdropped on our entire lives.' Meow. So kick off your Jimmy Choos, crack open the Veuve Clicquot, and get ready for a rollicking, unforgettable tour of the richer-and-bitchier-than-thou set.

Carrie Karasyov, Jill Kargman (Author), Bernadette Dunne (Narrator)

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