"Parenting a teenager is not for the faint of heart. It is during these roller-coaster years that frustrated parents find themselves at their wits' end, barely even recognizing their offspring as they move through the teen years. Carl Pickhardt,
Harvard-trained psychologist and the voice of reason behind Psychology Today's advice column, 'Surviving (Your Child's) Adolescence,' shares critical insights and practical tools that parents need to know along their child's rocky road toward
independence and adulthood. There's a reason the road is rocky—it's supposed to be. How adept parents become at navigating the twists and turns with less handholding and hitting the brakes directly correlates to how successful their child will
pass through what are four critical milestones that lead to successful adulthood and independence.
This book explains to parents how four unfolding drives for freedom sequentially and cumulatively motivate adolescent growth, as this ten to twelve year coming of age passage forever changes the child, the parent in response, and the
relationship between them. The four unfolding freedoms are these: First is freedom from rejection of childhood, around the late elementary school years, when the girl or boy wants to stop acting and being treated as just a child
anymore. Second is freedom of association with peers, around the middle school years, when the girl or boy wants to form a second family of friends. Third isfreedom for older experimentation, around the high school years, when the girl or
boy wants to try more grown up activities. And fourth is freedom to claim emancipation, around the college age years, when the girl or boy decides to become their own ruling authority. With each successive push for freedom,
parent and adolescent both have to do less holding on to each other while doing more letting go."
"Pesents a dynamic 4-stage model of adolescent growth that helps parents predict many of the common developmental changes that will unfold. Early Adolescence (ages 9 13.) The function of the first adolescent stage is to accomplish the separation from childhood. The parenting challenge during this stage is to absorb the childs negative response to giving up the comforts of childish ways and to enduring parental restriction of personal freedom, without taking these injured feelings personally or reacting negatively in return. Mid Adolescence (ages 13 15.) The function of the second stage of adolescence is to establish an independent family of peers. The parenting challenge during this stage is to provide loyal opposition to the young persons push for more social freedom with friends when it appears unwise or unsafe, without resorting to coercion or censure to settle disagreements. Late Adolescence (ages 15 18.) The function of the third stage of adolescence is to experiment with acting older to get ready to operate more grown up. The parenting challenge during this stage is to allow more grown-up freedoms while imparting the necessary knowledge and insisting on the commensurate responsibility needed for successfully mastering the next level of independence soon to come. Trial Independence (ages 18 23.) The function of the fourth and last stage of adolescence is to practice taking care of oneself on ones own. The parenting challenge during this stage is to communicate full faith in the young persons capacity to assume more independence, to let go and still be there to provide helpful advice and problem solving when asked, without rescuing or criticizing when the young person makes a serious mistake. It also differentiates parenting challenges between mothering and fathering adolescent sons and daughters."
