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Audiobooks by Authors And Dragons
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Squid Match: More than a mere tale of horror and carnage, this story is a powerful study in class struggles and inequality.
Some Body to Love: Join Sally as she embarks on a quest to get chlamydia while helping her classmate's father secure a corpse in time for his sex doll convention . . . and maybe find love along the way.
The Lepercorn: Lucy and her father are just like any working-class family trying to make an honest living scamming blind people out of hot dogs. But their lives are turned upside down when a small misunderstanding manifests as a grotesque abomination.
Something Borrowed, Someone Blew: Though this story begins with a joyous wedding celebration, it soon descends into a tale so terrifying you might never hear wedding bells quite the same way again.
Bite My H. O. Ass: Who doesn't love a Homeowners' Association? What organization would you trust more to guide you safely through a zombie apocalypse?
A Hard Bargain: Have you ever considered what would be so valuable to you that it would be worth selling your soul? Money? Power? Fame? Join Tina and Mephistopheles as they learn valuable lessons about mortality and friendship.
Contains mature themes.
Silent But Deadly Hill: Jonathon Mason is going on a road trip with his dad. When their car veers out of control, Jonathon awakes alone in a cloud of fog. Can he find his drunk dad and escape Slewant Hill?
G.I.R.L 2: Rob(erta) Hardlick and her sidekick Mich find themselves locked within a video game universe. To make matters worse, they may not be the only survivors from the last game to have made it over to this new one.
Secret of the Old Cock: When mysterious Jebediah Crotchley hires Mimsy Crew to do work around his mansion, Mimsy is in for a grand adventure.
My Mom is a Bunch of Cockroaches: Losing a parent is never easy. With the help of some cockroaches, Danny Heyward aims to help his mom cheat death for as long as her animated body can hold itself together.
Cluck You!: J and her buddies decide to take a road trip. Their road-trip takes a detour and they find themselves trapped in a meat-packing plant, where a turkey is picking them off one by one.
Holly's Jolly Christmas: Holly is spending her Christmas in the town of Cheermer. Some of the locals have begun mysteriously disappearing, and perhaps there's more in the town's past than just merry anecdotes.
Contains mature themes.
The Mummy's Curse: Shania's dreams are put on hold when her teacher awakens an ancient evil. Does she have what it takes to break the Mummy's Curse?
Valley of the Sex Dolls: Peggy wished her dad dated an actual human woman and not one of the creepy sex dolls that are appearing all over town. But Peggy's domestic problems might be the least of her worries as the patented Real Companions begin to get a little too real.
The Wing: One fateful day, a bag of chicken wings is thrust upon Emma Peckerman. A stripper's ghost has placed a curse on these wings, and whoever eats them soon meets an untimely and violent demise!
Deader than Hell: Dorothea 'Dookie' Brickhouse has to solve a murder, exonerate her brother, and decide whether or not she's going to bang this cute vampire, all while just living the normal life of a psychic waitress.
Whiz Kid: This totally original story follows the exploits of recently orphaned Henry Potty as he enrolls in a school for wizards!
Pearls Before Swine: Judy longs to follow in her father's footsteps as a scientist, but she learns a hard lesson when she accidentally releases a horde of demon pigs upon the town.
Contains mature themes.
Aliens vs ASS: From the time Glubnub suddenly enters his life, Dougie's world will never be the same. Will they be able to outrun the agents of ASS?
Thicker Than Blood: Bonnie led a fairly normal life until her mom accidentally drank vampire semen. Now it's up to her and her new BFF, a vampire named Amelia, to put an end to her mom's reign of terror.
Action Kadabra: Armed with nothing more than a trunk of tricks and his skills as an illusionist, will Action Kadabra find a way to survive?
Jack-O-Pumpkins: Life threw a curveball at him when the pumpkins came to life and started butchering people. Now it's up to Deuce to save the lives of countless townsfolk, and perhaps even the world.
G. I. R. L.: Guy in Real Life: Rob spends 'her' days trapped in a body designed purely for aesthetics, trying her best to stay ahead of evolving game mechanics. All that changes when she must join a team to stay alive.
The Little Arsonist Girl: Join Maggie as she braves the harsh winter cold to save her family from financial ruin. An honest night's work quickly spirals into an adventure she'll remember for years to come . . . if she survives!
Contains mature themes.
'Stranger's Thing' by Robert Bevan: Four friends get more than they bargained for when they break into a seemingly abandoned research lab.
'Jizz World' by Rick Gualtieri: Zach Johnson was an idiot. So, when given the chance to wish for anything the universe had to offer, only one thing came to mind: he wanted his life to be just like a porno.
'The Shingling' by Steve Wetherell: Johnny Terry, a recovering meth addict, is excited to start his new life as the caretaker at the Underpass Motel. Unfortunately, the Underpass is haunted by the ghosts of dead porn stars.
'The Haunting of Whore House' by Robert Bevan: Lucy and her brother, Junkie, find out that moving was only the beginning of their troubles when they encounter the ghost of a little boy in the woods.
'Snatched: Grandma Annie and the Cooter of Doom' by John G. Hartness: Jefferson Smith decides to shadow a detective, a coroner, and an OB/GYN for Career Week, with unexpected results.
'28 Dicks Later' by EM Kaplan: When a mysterious illness spreads like wildfire through Boneville, it's do or die time for Willie. Will she rise to the occasion?
Contains mature themes.
Shingles Audio Collection Volume 4 begins with 'Carnival of Psychos.' In this story, Richie Spoonerman finds himself being chased by a psychotic clown in the Maze of Mirrors at the carnival. In 'That Time of the Month,' Molly Stein's life was hard enough before she started noticing some weird changes. For one, a suspicious number of people seem to be exploding around her.
In 'The Sober Slayers,' Katie McCallister wants to slay dragons, save the kingdom, and become a hero, but all she finds around the gaming table are jerks. But then she and her friends discover a magic book, one that transports them into the game itself. The collection continues with 'I Know What You Dicked Last Summer.' As everyone knows, when a bunch of attractive teens meet up at a secluded cabin, there's only ever one winner. And that winner is violent death.
'Just Say Gnome' asks, How many problems in your life would be solved by a garden gnome that eats people and shits cocaine? And finally, in 'Jingle My Balls,' Jeff just wanted to get a twelve-pack and drink away the night before Christmas Eve. But something went awry, and he came home to find a horny elf twerking in his living room.
Contains mature themes.
Wax On, Whacks Off
Nobody likes getting bullied, and Donny has had enough. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he solicits the help of the old Asian man at the end of his street to teach him Karate. During a grueling two days of training, Donny earns belt after belt, until he finally becomes a Karate Master.
But there is more to those belts than there seems. Cursed with ancient dark magic, they have a mind of their own. Will Donny be able to stand up to his bullies? Will he be able to overpower the will of the spirit trapped within the cursed belts?
Sense and Sensibility and Sasquatch
Following the death of their father, sisters Elinor and Marianne Dashwood are sent to toil at a rundown logging camp deep in Kentucky. Faced with the prospect of being married off to Colonel Brandon, the camp's elderly owner, Marianne comes up with the less-than-cunning plan of passing off the murderous man-ape that haunts the nearby forest as her fiance.
Both sense and sensibility take a back seat as Willoughby, as the beast is dubbed, tears a swath of destruction through Barton Woods. Can the Dashwood sisters triumph in the face of such carnage to find true love?
Contains mature themes.
Tantor Audio presents six must-listen stories from the horror comedy series Shingles.
Shingles Audio Collection Volume 2 begins with 'Terror on Hypo Beach,' in which a family vacation turns out to be anything but ordinary. In 'Put Your Hand in My Ass,' Will needs a mentor for the upcoming high school talent show. What he gets is Sloppy-an enchanted puppet with weird sexual proclivities and an extremely problematic approach to comedy.
The collection continues with 'Demon Load.' When a freak accident brings his new washing machine to life, Dave begins to fear that it could lead to a nightmare future, one in which mankind has been permanently pressed out of existence.
'Slaughter on Giggletime Mountain' brings listeners to the reopening of a long-closed amusement park-one with a deadly history. Then, in 'It Came from My Butthole,' Cooter, the son of an out-of-work rodeo clown, eats a taco that changes his life forever.
In the collection's final story, 'Slow Ride,' Terry's suddenly way more attractive to members of the opposite sex now that he has Sylvia, his 1979 El Camino. But what happens when the car gets jealous?
Contains mature themes.
Tantor Audio presents six must-listen stories from the horror comedy series Shingles.
The collection begins with "The Ghost of Hooker Alley," which introduces listeners to ten-year-old Sarah and six-year-old Tommy. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, Sarah and Tommy think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley . . .
"The Monkey's Penis" features Chris, a teenage boy who receives a birthday gift unlike any other. In "Gary's Children," a man's quest for stress relief leads to terror, and an unexpected kidnapping takes place in "Aliens Wrecked Our Kegger."
"Zombies Ate My Homework" is set in the middle of a zombie outbreak. Todd, his brother Andy, his best friend Tarik, and their tomboy friend Mikayla are forced to take shelter in the first place they can find-an adult novelty store.
In the final story, "The Legend of Jimmy Headshot," the zombie apocalypse is upon us. The dead have risen from their graves to feed upon the flesh of the living, and twelve-year-old Jimmy couldn't be happier about it.
Contains mature themes.
